I had this funny thought at work today, after getting a myriad of texts from a bunch of different people today, I thought to myself, why don't I characterize what the content of the texts was about into work or friend as a sort of experiment to see just what I get texted about. Work texts fit into the realm of they requiring me to do something for the other person and friendly texts fell under the heading of they wanted to know how I was doing or invite me to something they were doing. So for just the month of October and really just for the first 21 days I received a grand total of 402 texts. After being bored at work and sifting through the vast majority of texts, I split my texts into the two categories with the findings being: 349 work related texts and 53 friendly texts. Thus, I realized something striking about my communication with other people, it relied primarily on me doing something for them.
Now I won't make any conjectures on why that is, just that I proffer this wisdom about myself...I'm a dunce, a dedicated dunce, but a dunce nonetheless and that many people trusting me with getting things done well.... is bad policy. But other than that people text me to do work. I may have found it interesting that I get so many work related texts, but not at all surprising. Most of you know me, I do a lot of work, I'm always going to help somebody out or answer somebodies question or just plain working. The workhorse of the friendship fleet. So naturally most people would think of me as a work-o-holic, which I won't debate the validity of that statement, just that their might be more than meets the eye. Though I understand the thought process, if you need something done quickly or as close to now as possible, or really done at all, you turn to the person that is willing to put their agenda on hold for your agenda in a moments notice. It makes sense to me.
But what I would really like to talk about is why there are only 53 texts that I thought of as friendly (And mind you the criteria for this category was very loose). If a "how are you doing" was in the text, I counted it, even if it was followed by a request to do something for the person. So I think to myself, what is it about my disposition that makes people think I'm not very friendly or more so that I'm not to invite-able to things. I think the most distressing thing for me is that I feel like I only have half-friendships. Grounded only in the services I can provide or my ability to get something done for the person. It's like I'm the garbage-man of friendships I do the jobs no one else wants, but as soon as my service is provided I'm forgotten until the next time the trash needs to be collected. I understand that I may not be the funnest guy ever, but I've got to have at least some redeeming qualities. Something that makes someone want me to be around just for existing's sake. It's just sad, that at the end of the day, I didn't have to force myself to work all day, it was the only thing available to do.
So I don't know what to think about friendship in general. Its a strange amalgamation of being useful and being forgotten. About being needed, but never wanted. Always waiting for the inevitable text, but hoping it won't be what you think it is. Hoping that you mean something beyond an agenda...ya Friendship, its a funny concept...
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