Strange feeling in the back of my mind

So I've had a strange feeling in the back of my mind, one that's sort of been growing steadily.  I couldn't really place it, it was making me a little upset, like giving anxiety pains, moments where I wanted to cry, or moments when I'd get upset at what someone said for reasons I couldn't place, strange stuff.  Because overtly nothings wrong, I have a job, I have friends, I'm fine, no problems with anyone, in fact, I've been fixing relationships, not breaking them! Which is a definite change for me!  So what is the feeling.

Can't really say what it is exactly, but I would say its stemmed from people just not getting who I am.  I know that sentence makes me sound like the biggest arrogant prick on the planet.  But it's rooted in the fact that I think I've been friends with certain people for long enough time and I would like to think that those people would start to understand how I think, what I do, and why I do it. Not in everything, because that's unreasonable, but in somethings.

So instead of ranting that people don't understand, (because it's petty and people deserve better than that) I'll tell you a few things I understand about myself and maybe that will stop any misperceptions.  And stop this rampant conceitedness inside me.

Things I like to think I understand about myself:
Understanding #1 -  I know where I'm going almost always. Virtually no exceptions. if I don't know, I ask.

Understanding #2 -  Related to #1, I'm not afraid to admit that I don't know something, or have no idea how to do something.  I am never above looking like the dumbest person in the room, and will ask ridiculously stoopid questions, that will often get the response "Really, you don't know ____" Also of note in that moment, even though I not above asking that question, it really hurts and embarrasses me when anyone answers like that.  Probably not alone in those sentiments.

Understanding #3 - I think I'm a pretty generous person, I give more than I receive, so with that in mind, when I give something to you, wether that be time, money, energy, focus, appreciation, or whatever. Please know there are no strings attached, it is given freely, so please don't act like I'm a used car salesman trying to scam you out of something or trying to get you to do something later. I don't keep score, ever. So please respect me. Don't treat my generosity like your entitled to it, or that its strange and weird coming from me. It hurts my soul when people respond to me like that.

Understanding #4 - I like to think I care about other people, more than I care about myself, that being said when I ask a question about how you are or what's going on in your life, etc. I really want to know. It's not some pleasantry I'm exchanging with you for my own ego.  I care and have a genuine intrest in how your doing and how I can best love you.  I very much dislike one or two word answers, I'm not asking how your doing so you can say "good" or "fine", I'm looking for a "life's going well right now because ..." insert any accolade or great thing you want, because deep down all I want for any of my friends is the best life possible for them, and I want to be apart of that life, and understand that life, because that life is worth knowing.

Understanding #5 - I am incapable of saying the word "no", I like to think of myself as Mr. Dependable, I think being dependable is the best quality to have in a friend, so of course I take it to the extreme. Mix this overtly extreme quality with generosity and honor code towards commitment that even a monk would envy and you get a complete and utter lack of control in self-sacrifice, I would probably chop off my left arm if it would mean that much to someone.  Realize I try to control this, but fail miserably all the time.  So I'm asking, set boundaries on what you ask of me, I can't set my own.

Understanding #6 - I like to think I'm a renaissance man, namely it means that I'm in to just about everything, if you like it chances are I'm going to like it too.  Rarely do I come across something I dislike even slightly. So I would be pleased to discuss or be apart of anything that you would like to talk about or go too.  Trust me I'm never bored by a conversation of any kind, if your willing to explain what you think about it.

I have more, but it's getting late and I got's work in the morning.