Monday, May 23, 2011
Dance Party
I think I had the best impromptu dance party last night, ever. "Nothing is better than the dance" - some sexy spaniard that I don't know the name of...
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Strange feeling in the back of my mind
So I've had a strange feeling in the back of my mind, one that's sort of been growing steadily. I couldn't really place it, it was making me a little upset, like giving anxiety pains, moments where I wanted to cry, or moments when I'd get upset at what someone said for reasons I couldn't place, strange stuff. Because overtly nothings wrong, I have a job, I have friends, I'm fine, no problems with anyone, in fact, I've been fixing relationships, not breaking them! Which is a definite change for me! So what is the feeling.
Can't really say what it is exactly, but I would say its stemmed from people just not getting who I am. I know that sentence makes me sound like the biggest arrogant prick on the planet. But it's rooted in the fact that I think I've been friends with certain people for long enough time and I would like to think that those people would start to understand how I think, what I do, and why I do it. Not in everything, because that's unreasonable, but in somethings.
So instead of ranting that people don't understand, (because it's petty and people deserve better than that) I'll tell you a few things I understand about myself and maybe that will stop any misperceptions. And stop this rampant conceitedness inside me.
Things I like to think I understand about myself:
Understanding #1 - I know where I'm going almost always. Virtually no exceptions. if I don't know, I ask.
Understanding #2 - Related to #1, I'm not afraid to admit that I don't know something, or have no idea how to do something. I am never above looking like the dumbest person in the room, and will ask ridiculously stoopid questions, that will often get the response "Really, you don't know ____" Also of note in that moment, even though I not above asking that question, it really hurts and embarrasses me when anyone answers like that. Probably not alone in those sentiments.
Understanding #3 - I think I'm a pretty generous person, I give more than I receive, so with that in mind, when I give something to you, wether that be time, money, energy, focus, appreciation, or whatever. Please know there are no strings attached, it is given freely, so please don't act like I'm a used car salesman trying to scam you out of something or trying to get you to do something later. I don't keep score, ever. So please respect me. Don't treat my generosity like your entitled to it, or that its strange and weird coming from me. It hurts my soul when people respond to me like that.
Understanding #4 - I like to think I care about other people, more than I care about myself, that being said when I ask a question about how you are or what's going on in your life, etc. I really want to know. It's not some pleasantry I'm exchanging with you for my own ego. I care and have a genuine intrest in how your doing and how I can best love you. I very much dislike one or two word answers, I'm not asking how your doing so you can say "good" or "fine", I'm looking for a "life's going well right now because ..." insert any accolade or great thing you want, because deep down all I want for any of my friends is the best life possible for them, and I want to be apart of that life, and understand that life, because that life is worth knowing.
Understanding #5 - I am incapable of saying the word "no", I like to think of myself as Mr. Dependable, I think being dependable is the best quality to have in a friend, so of course I take it to the extreme. Mix this overtly extreme quality with generosity and honor code towards commitment that even a monk would envy and you get a complete and utter lack of control in self-sacrifice, I would probably chop off my left arm if it would mean that much to someone. Realize I try to control this, but fail miserably all the time. So I'm asking, set boundaries on what you ask of me, I can't set my own.
Understanding #6 - I like to think I'm a renaissance man, namely it means that I'm in to just about everything, if you like it chances are I'm going to like it too. Rarely do I come across something I dislike even slightly. So I would be pleased to discuss or be apart of anything that you would like to talk about or go too. Trust me I'm never bored by a conversation of any kind, if your willing to explain what you think about it.
I have more, but it's getting late and I got's work in the morning.
Can't really say what it is exactly, but I would say its stemmed from people just not getting who I am. I know that sentence makes me sound like the biggest arrogant prick on the planet. But it's rooted in the fact that I think I've been friends with certain people for long enough time and I would like to think that those people would start to understand how I think, what I do, and why I do it. Not in everything, because that's unreasonable, but in somethings.
So instead of ranting that people don't understand, (because it's petty and people deserve better than that) I'll tell you a few things I understand about myself and maybe that will stop any misperceptions. And stop this rampant conceitedness inside me.
Things I like to think I understand about myself:
Understanding #1 - I know where I'm going almost always. Virtually no exceptions. if I don't know, I ask.
Understanding #2 - Related to #1, I'm not afraid to admit that I don't know something, or have no idea how to do something. I am never above looking like the dumbest person in the room, and will ask ridiculously stoopid questions, that will often get the response "Really, you don't know ____" Also of note in that moment, even though I not above asking that question, it really hurts and embarrasses me when anyone answers like that. Probably not alone in those sentiments.
Understanding #3 - I think I'm a pretty generous person, I give more than I receive, so with that in mind, when I give something to you, wether that be time, money, energy, focus, appreciation, or whatever. Please know there are no strings attached, it is given freely, so please don't act like I'm a used car salesman trying to scam you out of something or trying to get you to do something later. I don't keep score, ever. So please respect me. Don't treat my generosity like your entitled to it, or that its strange and weird coming from me. It hurts my soul when people respond to me like that.
Understanding #4 - I like to think I care about other people, more than I care about myself, that being said when I ask a question about how you are or what's going on in your life, etc. I really want to know. It's not some pleasantry I'm exchanging with you for my own ego. I care and have a genuine intrest in how your doing and how I can best love you. I very much dislike one or two word answers, I'm not asking how your doing so you can say "good" or "fine", I'm looking for a "life's going well right now because ..." insert any accolade or great thing you want, because deep down all I want for any of my friends is the best life possible for them, and I want to be apart of that life, and understand that life, because that life is worth knowing.
Understanding #5 - I am incapable of saying the word "no", I like to think of myself as Mr. Dependable, I think being dependable is the best quality to have in a friend, so of course I take it to the extreme. Mix this overtly extreme quality with generosity and honor code towards commitment that even a monk would envy and you get a complete and utter lack of control in self-sacrifice, I would probably chop off my left arm if it would mean that much to someone. Realize I try to control this, but fail miserably all the time. So I'm asking, set boundaries on what you ask of me, I can't set my own.
Understanding #6 - I like to think I'm a renaissance man, namely it means that I'm in to just about everything, if you like it chances are I'm going to like it too. Rarely do I come across something I dislike even slightly. So I would be pleased to discuss or be apart of anything that you would like to talk about or go too. Trust me I'm never bored by a conversation of any kind, if your willing to explain what you think about it.
I have more, but it's getting late and I got's work in the morning.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Senior Appreciation Video
This is my farewell video for Senior appreciation, since I can't be their I'm posting it now, mostly because its sitting on my desktop and its making me slightly sad lol.
UPDATE: this isn't the full thing, the last couple minutes wouldn't upload I'll work on a solution lol
Long Lost Friends (and finding them)
I don't know how many of you have friends from years past, that you haven't talk to in ages, or haven't been keeping up with all that regularly, but I realized I have a lot. By a lot I mean a shit ton. haha. Anywho, skipping some of the gory details, a lot of these friendships were left in various states. But recently many people have contacted me or I've run in to them or some strange and divine occurrence has happened and bam I'm talking to them again.
For instance, my closest friend from elementary school, Chandler Laroff contacted me just last week, it's been odds on probably 10 years, it was unbelievable, all things he'd done, and some of the misfortunes, but it was great to hear from someone that you shared so much of your life with back as kids. I think I directly owe all my geeky-ness to Chandler.
I also recently ran into my good friends Billy and Jonie, I went over to their house and we had dinner, played some awesome Hand and Foot action, genuinely had a good time. It almost felt like the friendship had aged, not in the sense of decay, but in the sense of a fine wine, it became more refined, dignified, respected, and cherished. Because all of us knew that people come and go, but the people that love you always find a way to stay. It was good to catch up, to hear about their lives, to be back in, for a brief moment, the complex life of a friend. Realizing that God had intertwined your lives for your benefit. It was a reverent experience, one that I hope to not soon forget. I feel like Billy and Jonie always encouraged me to follow my heart, and things hadn't changed, they were excited about the new phase in my life, and the places God was going to take me. I love all the friends that surround me, but I've really missed older friends (by older I mean in age). It's nice when other people have the answers sometimes :P.
And finally the biggest unexpected reconciliation is with my friend Kevin, we saw each other last on New Year's of this year. So not to long by my other friends standards, but for Kevin and I we were inseparable, so time has a magnifying effect in this instance. We were ignoring each other for a variety of reasons, most of which I can't share, because of trust, but needless to say there were quite a few reasons. But on Tuesday of last week he called me and asked if we could go to dinner. So I hastily agreed, I had wanted to call to do the same, but could never get the courage to step up. So we went to dinner and it basically became an apology session, neither of us wanted our friendship to continue how it was going, and really had missed each other. It was a great night, one I'll remember. If the time ever comes to reconcile again, it will give me more courage about the love that is shared amongst friends and it's importance.
Old friends seem to remind us of where we come from, they return us to the place of when life was "more simple" maybe even happier, but really old friends are a reminder that all things can decay, all things can be destroyed, but true love for another is eternal.
For instance, my closest friend from elementary school, Chandler Laroff contacted me just last week, it's been odds on probably 10 years, it was unbelievable, all things he'd done, and some of the misfortunes, but it was great to hear from someone that you shared so much of your life with back as kids. I think I directly owe all my geeky-ness to Chandler.
I also recently ran into my good friends Billy and Jonie, I went over to their house and we had dinner, played some awesome Hand and Foot action, genuinely had a good time. It almost felt like the friendship had aged, not in the sense of decay, but in the sense of a fine wine, it became more refined, dignified, respected, and cherished. Because all of us knew that people come and go, but the people that love you always find a way to stay. It was good to catch up, to hear about their lives, to be back in, for a brief moment, the complex life of a friend. Realizing that God had intertwined your lives for your benefit. It was a reverent experience, one that I hope to not soon forget. I feel like Billy and Jonie always encouraged me to follow my heart, and things hadn't changed, they were excited about the new phase in my life, and the places God was going to take me. I love all the friends that surround me, but I've really missed older friends (by older I mean in age). It's nice when other people have the answers sometimes :P.
And finally the biggest unexpected reconciliation is with my friend Kevin, we saw each other last on New Year's of this year. So not to long by my other friends standards, but for Kevin and I we were inseparable, so time has a magnifying effect in this instance. We were ignoring each other for a variety of reasons, most of which I can't share, because of trust, but needless to say there were quite a few reasons. But on Tuesday of last week he called me and asked if we could go to dinner. So I hastily agreed, I had wanted to call to do the same, but could never get the courage to step up. So we went to dinner and it basically became an apology session, neither of us wanted our friendship to continue how it was going, and really had missed each other. It was a great night, one I'll remember. If the time ever comes to reconcile again, it will give me more courage about the love that is shared amongst friends and it's importance.
Old friends seem to remind us of where we come from, they return us to the place of when life was "more simple" maybe even happier, but really old friends are a reminder that all things can decay, all things can be destroyed, but true love for another is eternal.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Life Is Going Good
What can I say, Life is going good, I've finally got the hang of working, my family has finally thrown me into the adult category, I'm going and hanging out with my friends basically every night of the week, movies, beach, dinner, hanging out, all sorts of fun stuff. This is what spring-life is all about, and best of all no homework, no tests, no jumping through hoops, just God, friends, family, and paychecks lol. I love the simplicity of it all, all the tug-o-war of time management no longer exists, it just vanished. Gone with the proclamation of graduation. Maybe I'll get bored of the simplicity, of the lack of complexity in my life, but for right now, I'll enjoy the eye of the hurricane, the rest before new adventures take me hold and send me to the ends of the world. Right now I'll live in the moment, and trust that God will guide me, and place the opportunities to love in my path, because that's what livings all about.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Frustration
Why can't I get done with my assignment at work? why are some problems just to complex to be broken down? Ugg... my head feels like it's ready to explode from the shear information that is circulating in it. It's just so frustrating the amount of effort needed to progress just 1%! Argggggggggg......!!!>!>!!>!>>!>!> Glad I got that out of my system.
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