You ever here those stories about those people that drown in six inches of water? or is it a foot? It doesn't matter, the point is when you read that all you can think of is, why didn't they just stand up? I was confronted with that very question maybe a week ago. About myself. Something just clicked. It was in that moment where I realized all my problems were like 6 inches of water. They weren't a vast ocean in which the hero must cross to conquer the world-shattering evil. They were just six inches of water. I realized that all my problems weren't out of my control, they could be influenced by choices I could make. All I had to do was stand-up.
For one I was feeling this deep seeded loneliness, feeling that no one was going to be there when I got older, or even in a few months. Well I realized I could do a few things about that. One, ask people to live with me, they always reserve the right to say no or change their mind. And it's my regret if I'm alone and I never asked anyone if they wanted to live with me. Two, just call people and set-up doing stuff, you can't possibly swing and miss catching everyone all the time. I have a bunch more free time, I don't know why I felt like work loads were going to continue on at maximum capacity when that's just not the case. So if I want people or even certain people in my life it's time to be proactive and make sure the're there.
Lesson One: If you want it fight for it.
Second thing was the seemingly hopelessness of my family relationships, the ever expanding black hole of negativity that I felt that emanated from that place seemed to abate. This was for a variety of reasons, but one was I really and truly (and finally) saw my parents as broken people. Ok that sounds horrible, but think about it in the "I saw them for who they were, not for who they represented to me" kind of way. And I realized all the demands they have and want of me, comes from a place of deep need. And it was upon that understanding, where I seeded my pride over in the relationship. By seeding my pride over I mean, stopped making the entire situation about me, feeling like I was the victim, that I was the one being oppressed, and from those feelings putting up tons of barriers to interacting with them in love. They are in great need and the Lord has put me in this family to effect positive change. And the only way I could do that, is to realize it's not all about me.
Lesson Two: Its not all about you
Third thing was this great purposelessness for my life, the sort of, "I graduated college now what?" dilemma. It just felt like, man I've completed everything that was asked of me. Wrong. How short-sighted is that, 22 and you felt like you've completed life. Ya right, good try kid. God basically slapped my apathetic and self-pitying self in the face and said are you crazy, wake up! There is work to be done! I have a plan for you, I've always had a plan for you, so instead of being caught up where your going to be in 5 years, where are you going to be tomorrow? Trust in me is what God said, follow my baby steps and you will find that mature and complete life in me you want. The fix was a little bit of faith, a little listening, and a little bit less worrying lol. God is good, he has put me in a wonderful place, with wonderful people, with work to be done. With purposelessness removed, game on!
Lesson Three: Entrust the if's and when's of your life to God for he will not lead you astray
A Journey of a 1000 steps starts with one.
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